A Very Good Really Bad Thing

I walked into Wal-Mart the other day asking God to make it clear whether I need to start taking Zoloft again. It has been a wonder drug for me in the past, freeing me from both anxiety and depression. I've been battling anxiety for about 18 months now, although not continually. Funny, it never crossed my mind to renew my prescription until three different people mentioned it in two days' time this week. I figured the Lord might be trying to tell me something. Maybe.

The reason I feel conflicted is because I have been learning to handle these attacks through prayer. Anxiety that used to claw at my heart for hours I can now usually overcome in minutes. If I catch it just as it begins to flutter in my chest, to simply whisper the name, "Jesus" brings peace. But if I let it go - or try a different strategy (like trying to figure out why it is happening) - I'm setting myself up for a long, bumpy ride.

In the past ten days, I have had a couple different bouts with the enemy that I do not care to repeat. I have also experienced amazing victories, even after the anxiety had become quite intense. By quoting some key Scripture and prayerfully entrusting myself to God to deliver me, I have returned to a place of perfect calm. That's cool! What I am experiencing is not "mind over matter," but the exercise of real faith in a real God with real power.

Yes, it's exercise. It's the spiritual equivalent of weight training. My faith muscles are growing and I'm getting stronger. It isn't enjoyable to battle anxiety, but I am pretty happy with the results of having to do so. Little by little, I am losing the self-sufficiency and unbelief that have weighed me down for so long. I'm learning to trust God at a much deeper level.

And I can honestly thank Him for the very unpleasant experience of being anxious.